The Best Medicine

I'm going to be really honest about something here. It's not easy to do that, but sometimes I think we miss out on the chance to let others know they are not alone because we don't want to risk exposing ourselves.

We have been having a very bad season with our kids. It has been nonstop lying, stealing, sneaking out, beating each other up, etc. And while we are used to those 'seasons' from time to time, this one seems to have lasted for nearly four months now. It's never been this bad.

Well, I began to think about when my heart palpitations started, and that one of the possible causes is stress. Then I thought about the fact that I am so tired lately I can get nothing done, and one possible cause for that is depression. Then I thought about how I was watching what I ate and was still gaining weight, and how we checked and double checked my thyroid (since that is usually the culprit) and my TSH is fine, but that the doctor asked me about depression. And then I thought about the fact that I cannot seem to go a day without feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and panicked, which is very likely depression. So I was going to ask the doctor for an anti-depressant.

Now, those of you who have read here long know how I feel about them. I completely agree that sometimes they are necessary, but I also feel doctors hand them out like candy and don't follow up, or try other routes first, etc. And I wasn't just gonna say "Hey. doc, I need some xanax." I said I would have him check my serotonin levels and if I did indeed have an imbalance I would only take something for 30 days to get my chemical levels right. But I had decided that nothing else could help. I have been crying out to Yahweh all weekend without any answer.

I don't know why, but in a last-ditch effort, I sent Bren an email asking (more like begging) for wisdom. See, I am completely tired of people who have never lived the foster-adopt life giving me advice. It is NOT the same as raising your own kids. Totally different. Totally. And the Holy Spirit must have shoved her right over to the computer cause she answered me very quickly and asked if she could call.

I can't even explain the relief from that conversation. She gave me the name of a book that really helped and some blogs of women like us, but the most helpful part was hearing that I am not the only one who has ever felt this way. I think we all know in our heads that there is nothing new under the sun and that someone somewhere has experienced what we feel. But it is different when you are in the pit of that despair and can't imagine that anyone ever had that same terrible feeling. And she also said something in passing that she has said before, "Speak the Word." She was referring to her son and his seizures (and then I found out that she had a very bad day herself, so it made it all the more sweet that she took the time to intercede on my behalf) and I remembered again that God's word is the best weapon we have for any battle.

So when I got off the phone feeling like the elephant had been removed from my chest, I had the opportunity to speak to one of the kids who has been giving us such a hard time, and I spoke The Word. And she trembled. She said she was worried because she knew she had walked away from God's protection and she saw the devil in her room last night. She wanted to 'come back' to us as her parents (they had un-elected us and voted in their oldest sibling as mother) and to God because she knew she had let the devil in by her running away. I couldn't believe after so many months of struggle that this all occurred in a matter of minutes. Then she asked if she could go and apologize to her siblings and speak to the other 'run-aways' about how they are sinning and letting the devil into our home. Then another child came to me and apologized and wanted to make things right. The third is still in absolute rebellion, but two out of three is a miracle!

It turned out that better than an anti-depressant was a fellow member of the body of Christ (who has experienced this life) speaking the Word to me. And she didn't list verses for me to look up or meditate on, she spoke them to me through her actions:

"Wherefore comfort one another with these words." 1 Thessalonians 4:18

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

"Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:16

"Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord." James 5:14

That was the best medicine.