Working On Things

I've been out for a bit, and it's because I have been preoccupied both emotionally and physically. The death of Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter was something of a big deal for me. Not just because we met him and shared adoption stories and have worked as ministry partners with their organization, but because it caused me to do a lot of reflecting on my own situation. I had to answer to myself as to whether I would have that level of grace for my son had he been the driver and whether my difficult kids would know they were as loved as Maria did if they were to die, and I really didn't like the answers. That little sin voice that tries to allow you to justify things kept saying it is different when you adopt older kids, and the situation is dramatically different, but that is not an excuse for so much bitterness. This struggle is also why little Jeremiah's passing hit me so hard, even thought I had not know his family before this time. The guilt is so consuming. When Jacob wrestled with Yahweh, at least he only had to endure one night! I feel like I have been wrestling him for a year and I am exhausted.

We have also been especially busy on the farm, which is good because I can work with my hands while I am working through things in my head. We have piled on the projects this year. I needed 9 more raised beds, a whole section plowed for large crops, and I broke the rule of mesh fencing by deciding to move it. Electric fence and even barbed wire can be moved with minimum trouble, but the wire mesh fencing always ends up attached to the ground because top soil accumulates and grass grows up through it. We spent two whole day just pulling the fence off the ground. But we decided to put the garage where my chicken fence used to be, so it had to go. I like the new location a lot more. I put in the posts and hung the fence on my own while Gary was out plowing. Well, a few of the kids were there to help, so it was the same as doing it alone only harder because I had to keep them out of the way while still keeping them in view.

thou shall not move mesh fencing

We also switched chicken buildings. My dad had built me a little hen house shaped like the barn roof, but I have way more chickens now. My father-in-law used to have this red shed in back for his lawnmower and when they demolished the house, I saved it. We had bikes in it for a while, but with no doors we always ended up with critters as well, so I decided to make it my new coop. That took hours of work as well, since chickens must be protected at night. I cut the rotting bottom 18 inches of particle board out and put in hardware cloth. That way I have good ventilation and sturdy protection. I also put on a screen door. I still have to finish my roosting bars and nest boxes, and I'd like to either side it or paint it, but the chickens were finally allowed out!

my beautiful buff orpington chickens

Then we planted the corn and potatoes. Just as we were finishing the baby stepped on a board with a rusty nail in it, and she was bleeding a lot. So I got to spend the evening (and half the night) in the ER with her. Weekend evening at the hospital- everything went SUPER slow. She was such a good girl and so brave, even when she got really hungry and really tired. The nurses were all talking about her at the desk, so others had to come see her and she ended up with a bag full of books, beanies, and toys. No one could believe how good she was. They didn't even have to tie her in that papoose thing to give her the shots of Novocaine in her foot or to clean it out. Thank goodness she didn't need a tetanus update. I am leery about vaccines as well, but that is one I keep my kids current on because of where we live. An Amish boy near here got lockjaw from a thorn, so I'm especially careful with those boosters. When we finally got out of there, we had to go to the 24 hour pharmacy, so I found myself watching a movie and eating a TV dinner with my darling at 2:30 in the morning! Now my sleep is all off and that usually means a migraine, so I'm trying to take it easy.

planting taters

We have several more things to get done, so I'll be putting those up as they happen. I seem to post in spurts- when I'm reading prophecy it's all prophecy, when I'm looking for school equipment, it's all school stuff. For now, it will most likely be organizing and finishing the list of jobs I wanted done by June 1st (hahaha).